Girls Aloud And Hogwarts  Shagrid 2  Chapter 1
by ALPENKESHA
Summary: CONTAINS LOTS OF SEX, GAY CONTENT, SWEARING, VIOLENCE, AND SHOULD BE TAKEN LIGHT HEARTEDLY. NO OFFENCE INTENDED.     Please read the prequel, Shagrid. The story will still make sense  mostly  without reading it!


Chapter 1

"OH SARAH!" screeched a snarly voice from the next carriage and the girls immediately knew what was going on. They found themselves shaking violently up and down as the train bounced.

"We're gunna be in for a bumpy ride!" commented Cheryl.

"No, I am!" shouted Snape in the next carriage.

"Oh Snape what a big wand you've got!" moaned Sarah.

"Will you wave my wand Sarah!"

"OHHH YES SNAPEY SNAPEY!"

"Anything from the trolley dears?" said the trolley lady wheeling the tray of delights as she approached Snape and Sarah's carriage.

"Ohh Sev, it's been a while since I've seen that wand being waved twiddled" She smiled knowingly, with a cheeky glint in her eye.

"I know, but I just happened to walk in on Sarah squeezing her pumpkin pasties, and i couldn't resist" He replied, winking at Sarah

"And when Snapey whipped his wand out, I just couldn't turn down the offer" Sarah said licking her lips seductively.

Meanwhile, in the other girls' carriage, Nadine noticed a strange occurrence out of the window.

"Thurs Vuldemart uytseyd bengen Nehkoluhs maym!" she gasped.

"What?" asked Nicola as the girls struggled to work out her accent. Nadine pointed to the window but they were already passed Voldemort and Nicola's mam.

"Vuldemart whus sheggun yur maym!" she exclaimed.

"What are you saying?" asked Kimberley who was deeply confused.

"VULDEMART WHUS SHEGGGEN YUR MAYM NEHKOLUH! REYT UYTSEYD!" Nadine howled in frustration.

"What?" said Cheryl who was also confused. At that moment Nadine burst with frustration, splatting everywhere and squirting everyone with her juice.

"Woah, that's nearly as bad as Hagrid's orgasms" Nicola announced to the group.

"And how do YOU know!" asked Cheryl.

"Cos you told me about that time in Hagrid's hut, you know, the sixsome you had?"

"Oh yeah, Ke$ha better not be coming to school this year or she'll tell everyone!" Cheryl said anxiously. Suddenly the door of their carriage door banged open and a drunken tramp with wild messy hair that hadn't been brushed in years, ripped clothes that had never been changed, random mess on their face and covered in glitter, stumbled in and threw up. Nicola edged away on her seat to keep away from her.

"Oh look, there she is now!" Cheryl sighed.

"HEY! I'm Ke$ha and I love alpen bars and pocket mirrors and bright pink streaks of blusher! Oh wait, that's my friend Leo-leo!" Then they heard a knock on the door as the trolley lady wheeling her tray of delights came by.

"Would you like to tingle yourself with some bonzai's or get juicy with some butterbeer? Practise your bean flicking with Bertie Bott's every flavour beans or get a bit bouncy with the chocolate frog's? Some Drooble's best blowing gum to improve your blowing techniques or some liquorice wand's to get licking and sucking?"

"To be honest with ya, I just want some pumpkin pasties!" said Cheryl.

"Ding dong, the witch is dead! Oh wait, your all witches. !" screamed the possessed trolley lady who scuttled away, wheeling her tray of delights with her.

"You can have my pumpkin pasties any day!" winked Kimberley.

"Mmm how about now then!" Cheryl said as she jumped on top of Kimberley.

"OYYYYYYYYY YOU SLAPPER, GO POKE YOUR OWN FISHY FANNY!" Kimberley shouted, throwing Cheryl off.

"HAHAHAA KIMBERLEY JIZZED IN HER PANTS IN FRUSTRATION!" Cheryl shouted and pointed to Kimberleys fanny with her wand as she joked about. But then the wand accidently flippendoed Kimberley up her fanny and she expelliarmused all over.

"OH CHERYL MAKE ME WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" Kimberley screamed. Cheryl performed again but this time green goo came squirting out all over from Kimberley's vaginal areas.

"Oh Kimberley, I didn't know you were gunna do that" Cheryl winked.

"No Cheryl, you splurged instead of flippendoed. The splurge caused the green goo." Kimberley stated.

"Ooh sorrrreh!" Cheryl said in a huff and stormed off into a different carriage where she found Crabbe and Goyle and had a threesome with them where she got crabs.

"OH CRABBE FLIPPENDO ME HARDER OHH HARDER! RIGHT UP THERE" she screamed enabling Kimberley to hear and become jealous.

"Oh Cheryl you are so hot and fit and sexy and raunchy I'll eat your pumpkin pasties right up!" groaned Goyle.

"Mmmm this butterbeer is so tasty" said Crabbe.

"Err Crabbe, that isn't butterbeer.." Cheryl said.

"Oh well" said Crabbe as he continued licking up his own cum. "It tastes nice anyway"

Cheryl wandered out of Crabbe and Goyle's carriage back to the girls to find the rest of them there, including Sarah who had returned from her Snapey Snape sex.

"I was wondering where the smell of fish was coming from" Sarah nodded towards Cheryl's fanny. "Been shaving your bush with your hedge clippers or did they get lost in there?"

"HEY! They exploded off cos of my pube exploding sex with Crabbe and Goyle"

"Oh I always wondered what their wigs were made out of"

"Says you when you probably use the grease dripping from Snape's hair as lube!"

"SAYS YOU WHO..." The argument was interrupted by Ke$ha standing up and starting to sing.

"Maybe I need some rehab,

Or maybe need a real shag

I keep on poking myself,

And I am such a slag

I'm asking out every guy,  
I am so desperate  
I'm staying up all night poking,  
If I was flexible then I would lick

What I've got boys, is hard to find  
I poke myself all the time  
I puke out glitter and my hair looks fried  
I just cant get sex off my mind

Because poking, poking, poking, is my drug  
Poking, poking, poking  
I said poking, poking, poking, is my drug  
Poking, poking, poking

Won't listen to any advice, mom's telling me to cut down to twice.. a day  
But left to my own devices I'm a poking machine it's a crisis!

My friends don't think I've gone crazy, I've always been this crazy  
My fanny is gonna be affected if I keep poking like a loveless sexhead

What I've got boys, is hard to find  
I poke myself all the time  
I puke out glitter and my hair looks fried  
I just cant get sex off my mind

Because poking, poking, poking, is my drug  
Poking, poking, poking  
I said poking, poking, poking, is my drug  
Poking, poking, poking

I don't care what people say  
The rush is worth the price I pay  
I get so wet when I'm poking

But my fingers get quite soaking

So I got a question;  
Do you want to have a bit of sex in my basement?  
Do you want me to bang you like a drum?  
Is my sex, your drug?  
AND THEY TURN ME ON, WHEN THEY TAKE IT OFF, EVERYBODY TAKE IT OFF" Ke$ha shouted, stripping off her clothes and dancing around crazily like a drunken Hagrid who had been thrown out of a wedding naked after pole dancing on Snape's wand and becoming so entangled in himself that you couldn't tell his bushy beard from his bushy pubes.

"Errr Ke$ha, that's a different music video" the director hissed as the girls watched gobsmacked.

"I'VE GOT A WATERBOTTLE FULL OF WHISKY IN MY HANDBAG!" she continued to sing. "OH WAIT, IT'S IN MY PURSE, SILLY ME" she said as she squirted all over. Then she ran and jumped out of the window and rain off.

"Well that was an experience..." exclaimed Sarah.

"Hey, we need to go and change into our robes!" remembered Nicola, so the four girls got their suitcases from Iraq and started to unclothe themselves. Kimberley started sensually stripping from her clothes, entertaining the other girls and sending sensations through their bodies.

"Kimberley! What's this!" Cheryl gasped as some smiley face extra tingling tutti frutti flavour condoms dropped out from her clothing as she stripped. "I thought no one was meant to know my secret!"

"Don't worry, don't worry, now here is a story to wet your whistle and throttle your throat." Kimberley said, sitting down on her rocking chair with her knitting needles. "Just let me tickle your pickle."

"A long time ago in a land far far away, I knobbly bobbly'd on my teeny weeny. Then my hanky wanky was too big for my hefty lefty, so my nungle nungle was left to eat some trunchen lonchen dunchen fanny munchen." Then she jumped up off her chair, threw her knitting needles to the side and started raving to the local barn dance. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" she screamed, vibrating up and down. "BUZZEDDDD OFF ME NIPSSSSS"

Meanwhile, the girls were fully changed and ignoring Kimberley's wild barn dancing.

"Look at my new phone, it's a Blueberry and I'm on virgin for £2000 a month!" grinned Chezza.

"Cheryl, why are you on Virgin! That should be Nicola, apart from when she pokes herself with garden gnomes outside B&Q" Sarah said.

"What? I'm on ASDA mobile, it's great!" said Nicola.

Silence travelled through the land. Tumbleweed bounced through the carriages. All the girls were stunned into silence. Bells rang in the distance. Crickets chirped.

"" screeched Sarah.

"" screeched Cheryl.

"" screeched Kimberley.

"" screeched the trolley lady wheeling her tray of delights who had came back to visit the carriage.

"" screeched Snape from the next carriage.

"" screeched the train driver who was driving the train.

"" screeched Dumbledore who was at Hogwarts.

"" screeched a deaf person from Canada.

"" screeched Chewbacca from a galaxy far, far away.

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPHHHH you fannys, your just jealous they text me the best tariff for me each month"

"Laughing my fanny off, even Tesco Mobile do a better deal than that, they triple your credit" Sarah cried with laughter as she pee'd her robes.

"Oh look, we're here now!" shouted Kimberley as the train came to a halt. She whipped her willy out and wanked Cheryl's ear.

"Do you like my worg? Do you like my wurgle wurgle?"

"Quick, lets unload! Unload your excess baggage!" shouted Cheryl as they piled off the train. Nicola was mad at them and in a huff. She was so angry her face turned slightly peach compared to the white wall plaster paint it usually looked like.

"Wait, we've forgot Nadine!" Sarah gasped, sprinting back onto the train as her raunchy knockers bounced in circles. She ran back to their carriage, finding Nadine's splattered body from earlier. She cast a spell to reform her back together. Then she hurried out of the carriage and went back to the girls where Hagrid was talking.

"Ello firs' years. Were jus' goin through these bushes, then we go up an' down an' up an' down, an' watch out cos its slippery. Then we'll reach the lake, it's very wet and watch you don' go in too far cause it's very big." Hagrid said in his sexy husky voice.

"Oooh Cheryl you're blushing!" giggled Sarah.

"I'm not!" Cheryl hissed, her eyes transfixed to Hagrid's great bushy beard. But the more he spoke, the more his gruff voice turned her on and she slipped a finger into her wet fanny, slipping it up and down and up and down as she started moaning.

"CHERYL!" Sarah hissed loudly. "When he said go through the bushes, go up and down, its very wet and big, I don't think he was meaning your fanny!" she told her.

"Ooops" Cheryl said as she removed her finger hastily.

"Eww. It's obviously a bit fishy there too." Sarah said as 3 fish flippered out of Cheryl's fanny and flapped their flippers from her flaps fishily until their fins had all flippily flappered out.

The next thing they knew, Hagrid had built a fish and chip shop and was battering the fish.

"Does anyone have some chip stick dick flick my chip dick sticky chip dicks to go with the fanny fish and dick chips?" He asked, with his chef hat on. "Come on, come on, get battering!"

"Hagrid! What have I told you about making fish and chip shops in the middle of school?" said Dobby as he popped up from Hagrid's pants.

"Sorry!" Hagrid said guiltily and bulldozed the fish and chip shop down."Right guys, on with the expedition!" Princess Cheryl and her bitches carried on up the hills, with Nicola barging ahead in a huff, and Nadine still.. somewhere.

"It must be someones time of the month" Sarah commented on Nicola's behaviour.

"Doubt it babes, she only has one ginger pube. It's called Percy."

"HAHAHA Percy the pube, hasn't hit puberty yet."

"Aren't you talking about her hair?" said Kimberley.

"No Kimberley, stop butting yourself in cos your arse is the size of an adult red squirrel crouching on top of Cheryl's tits on top of a three tier wedding cake with five cherry muffins for decoration." Sarah growled.

"I think she's a... elf!" whispered Cheryl, back on their topic of Nicola. Then suddenly all the girls hit a slippery bit and slid down the hill rapidly, banging each other on the way and screams were heard for miles. Finally they landed at the bottom.

"Well that was an orgasmic ride!"Cheryl said. They stood up and watched as a red blob came flying past and landed in the water making a tidal wave. Nicola emerged, soaking wet.

"Looks like she went too fast." Laughed Kimberley.

"Good job she wasn't electrocuted by her ASDA mobile!" said Sarah.

"It's a good job she only has one pube, or she might have been weighed down and drowned!" added Cheryl.

"Hey guys." Hermione said in a low rough husky manly voice. Her hair was bushed up more than ever and she only had a metal spike covered leather belt covering her parts. "Fancy a ride? I know how, rough, the water can get, and it can leave you rather, drenched" she said sexily, flicking her hair behind her ears. "And.. I'm on special rates. £10 an hour, just for you Cheryl" she winked

"Errm, not today thanks" Cheryl said.

"Hmph. See you later girls." She growled sexily before flouncing off to get changed back to her robes.

"Right then guys" said Hagrid, marching up to the lake. "It's three to a boat, hop in!"

Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah looked at each other.

"Threesome in a boat? Well that's something new!" Sarah said as they all hopped in, leaving Nicola behind on her own. There was only one boat left, and Hagrid and Nicola were left.

"Looks like you'll have to hop in with me!" Hagrid grinned, letting Nicola climb into the boat. Hagrid climbed in as well, sitting on top of her so her head got stuck up his bum crack. As he started sailing the boat, he went up and down and Nicola's head got mushed and mashed up his arse. It had a lingering smell of fish, crap, flesh eating slug repellent, freshly mown grass and sweet daisies. There were some slugs slithering around in there.. at least they looked like slugs.

"Urgh" he grumbled, as he pushed up and down, rowing with as much force as he could, going faster and harder, pushing the oars as much as he could, water splashing every and soaking everyone, feeling so intense. Nicola passed out of suffocation and apple's fell from the heavens, and knocked Hagrid out. He lost control of the boat and it capsized and started to sink rapidly. Nicola's head still stuck up Hagrid's anus, they bouncily bobbed along the great lake. Nicola's panties had flown off in the capsizing process, and her legs -wide open- and fanny were now bobbing along in a sexual rhythm.

"Why is there a random fanny bobbing along?" shouted Cheryl, who definitely 100000000% deffo didn't get aroused the slightest bit by it, okayyy?

"Hang on a minute, I recognise that fanny...that's Nicolas fanny!" Sarah said.

"You WOULD know that Sarah!" Cheryl exclaimed.

"Yeah, have you not seen her live sex tape diaries on youtube? It's a weekly series!"

"LMAO ROFL ROFL ROFL PMSL LOL LOL CHERYL HASNT SEEN THE NICOLA SEX DIARIES!" screeched Draco Malfoy.

"Yeah I have" she lied embarrassingly.

"LOL PMSL LMAO LMFAO LMTO MEGA LULZZZZZZZZZZZ CHERYLS WATCHED NICOLA HAVING SEX" screeched Sarah.

Cheryl cast her an umimpressed glance as did the rest of the first years who couldn't help but overhear Sarah's big gob.

"At least my gob isn't as big as Cheryl's fanny hole the amount of times it's been poked!" huffed Sarah. As Cheryl was about to retaliate, the octopus from the lake arose to the surface and started approaching the bobbing fanny. Everybody stared in disbelief as the octopus shoved not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight, not nine, not ten, not eleven, not twelve, not thirteen, not fourteen, not fifteen, not sixteen, not seventeen, not eighteen, not nineteen, not twenty, not twenty one, not twenty two, not twenty three, not twenty four, not twenty five, not twenty six, not twenty seven, not twenty eight, not twenty nine, but thirty tentacles into the fanny, forcing them in and out, rumbling the whole lake. Then everybody realised that an octopus only has eight tentacles, and that it must actually be a jellyfish. Suddenly, the sound of the fanny being electrocuted shot through everybody's ears, and jolts of electricity shot through Nicola's body, stimulating her clitoris and sending bolts of energy to it. Her screams were so loud as the intense feeling shocked her whole body through such a sensitive area with no way of stopping it. Nicola began to vibrate as the pain trembled her body, and this aroused Hagrid as she sent her vibrations up his bum. It all became too much for him and he orgasmed, cum spurting upwards and shooting Nicola up with it.

"I never knew there was a whale in the lake!" commented a surprised Kimberley. Soon afterwards, Nicola landed back down in their boat, drenched in Hagrid's cum, and her one ginger pube now black and frazzled, sticking up on end.

"That must have hurt..." Sarah added awkwardly to break the silence.

"It did." Said Nicola.

"Ouch" said Cheryl.

"I know" said Nicola.

"Clabs clobs clabs, tragsy tragsy troogens plabs plobs plabs, Sarah's big flaps, plappety ploppety plung trunchy fanny munchy!" Kimberley sung to herself.

"Did you know that the jellyfish didn't actually electrocute her?" said Hermione. "All jellyfish sting their prey using nematocysts, also called cnidocysts, stinging structures located in specialized cells called cnidocytes, which are characteristic of all Cnidaria. Contact with a jellyfish tentacle can trigger millions of nematocysts to pierce the skin and inject venom, yet the sting of only some jellyfish species causes an adverse reaction in muggles. When a nematocyst is triggered by contact by predator or prey, pressure builds up rapidly inside it up to 2,000 pounds in a square inch until it bursts open. A lance inside the nematocyst pierces the victim's skin, and poison flows through into the victim. Touching or being touched by a jellyfish can be very uncomfortable, sometimes requiring medical assistance; sting effects range from no effect to extreme pain to death. Because of the wide variation in response to jellyfish stings, it is wise not to come into contact with any jellyfish with bare skin."

"Thanks for that" said Nicola.

"Anytime. If you would like to hear more on this matter you could join me for after school revision clubs from 5 till 12 and I can lend you all of the necessary equipment if you don't already have it!"

"No thanks" said Nicola David bluntly.

"See ya honey!"

They trailed into the castle, following Hagrid.

"Come into my castle now, I have sweeties!" Hagrid laughed menacingly. "Mwahahahahaa!"

Everyone followed him warily. Cheryl followed him eagerly. They entered the castle, and loud screaming, moaning and banging sound was heard in the next room.

"My brothers told me you have to pass a test to get into Hogwarts!" Ron said worriedly. "But I have erectile dysfunction! If they'd told me what it was about earlier, then I could have prepared!" he panicked.

"Looks like I'll pass this one easily!" winked Sarah. Everyone agreed with her. The screaming in the next room became so high pitched it was beyond human hearing.

"Must be Justin Bieber in there" said Kimberley.

"Isn't he the one who asked you out Chezza?" Sarah asked her, with jealousy flaming in her eyes.

"Yeah.. seriously, is there any need for a two year old to ask me out? I didn't even know he could speak yet"

"Lolz Chezza. Megga lolz" Snape howled from next to them, laughing his fanny off.

"Snape on the loose!" Professor McGonagall shouted from next to them. She grabbed Snape by the clit of his fanny and pulled him back through the door to the room. Suddenly a ghost came spurting through the wall.

"Oioi I'm Peeves! I'm the school nurse, if you want any sexual advice then just ask me!" he grinned. Professor McGonagall appeared again from the door.

"Don't listen to Peeves" she said.

"That's just cause she asked him if she'd get an STI from popping her cherry with a wand and made up a chant about Want popping McGonagall and sang it through the whole school" Sniggered Malfoy and everyone laughed.

"AHEM" The professor said, clearing her throat. I think it's time to enter the great hall" she said. She turned and the doors magically opened for her, lol jk they'd employed a million midgets to open them. The whole year followed her into the great hall.

"Blimey, I didn't realise we'd be shagging this many people!" Ron said in awe. Hermione rolled her eyes at him and stormed off, cause she is a sexy beast.

Suddenly, on the other side of the earth, there was an earthquake in Haiti and millions of people died.


End file.
